Archives for 2022

If you’re having trouble reading the headlines these days, I understand how you feel. It’s tough to take in all the news about the consequences of climate change, gun violence, the campaign against reproductive rights, or the systematic dismantling of our democratic system without feeling a little hopeless. The result for many of us is to disengage. We disconnect from the world around us, … [Read more...] about A ‘Pull from the Future, Not a Push from the Past’

In her seminal book Home Will Never be the Same Again, marriage, family, and child therapist Carol Hughes talks about the emotional impact of divorce on a group that is often left out of the discussion: adult children. They are often excluded from the traditional narrative since they are not legally relevant to discussions about child support and custody for minor children in divorce. In … [Read more...] about How Does ‘Gray Divorce’ Affect Adult Children?

As bad as divorce can be for the couple going through it, that’s nothing compared to how it can negatively impact their children. At least the couple has seen it coming for a while and has had some time to be prepared emotionally. Even if they’ve seen how unhappy their parents are, children may feel blindsided by the news of a divorce.  There’s no way to completely shield your children … [Read more...] about Talking with Your Children About Collaborative Divorce

When it comes to grief, how long is too long? After debate that lasted well over a decade, the American Psychiatric Association’s diagnostic manual, known as the DSM-5, recently added a controversial new diagnosis: prolonged grief disorder. The definition is anguish over the death of a loved one lasting more than a year. But according to experts like clinical psychologist Zakieh Bigio Klurfeld, … [Read more...] about How Long Should You Grieve After a Divorce?

When someone tells me that they are considering divorce, I often suggest that their first call shouldn’t be to a lawyer.  Rather, I say that investing in a relationship with a skillful mental health professional is usually the place to start, unless there is active domestic violence in the relationship. That’s because divorce is 80% emotional, 10% financial and 10% legal.  Sometimes … [Read more...] about How Emotional Agility Can Help You Navigate Divorce

A new colleague reached out to me the other day with a question: The concept of  Collaborative Divorce has been around for 30 years. Why haven’t more people heard of it? It’s a fair question. Collaborative Divorce isn’t yet a household word, and I think it’s partly because the term itself causes a bit of cognitive dissonance. Those two seemingly opposite ideas sitting so close to each other … [Read more...] about Why Does Collaborative Divorce Seem Like Such a Contradiction

Recent research reveals that couples who have supportive friends and family members are more likely to divorce. No, that last part wasn’t a typo. A study of 7,321 couples published last year in the Journal of Family Issues found that couples who reported having strong emotional support outside their marriage were more likely to split up. “Individuals who feel they can count on emotional … [Read more...] about How to Support Family or Friends Through Their Divorce

Is there such a thing as a “good” divorce? Like a lot of things in life, it depends on how you define it. One couple might decide that “good” means resolved as quickly as possible. Another might prefer the chance to hash out a few key issues with a neutral party. And believe it or not, there are some people who just want to have their day in court. They’re willing to let a judge decide the … [Read more...] about The 4 Ways to Divorce

When a marriage is falling apart, Valentine's Day can be a lonely time. If you’ve already split up, or even if you’re in the middle of the process, it can be a challenging day. It’s hard not to be reminded that the love of your life is no longer the love of your life. I totally get it. I’ve been there, too. We tend to create traditions around holidays like Valentine's Day, or we have … [Read more...] about Taking Care of Yourself on Valentine’s Day

When it comes to divorce, movies tend to get a lot of things wrong. That’s what was so refreshing about Marriage Story, Noah Baumbach’s film about a couple coming apart at the seams. Everything isn’t exactly as it would happen in real life, but it rings true in a lot of ways. There’s one situation that the movie captured perfectly. Once the couple at the center of the story “lawyer up” to … [Read more...] about Thinking About Divorce as a Collaboration

We all know that divorce is an expensive proposition. According to one recent study, the average divorce can cost upward of $15,000 when you factor in attorney fees, court filing fees, and other common costs. And if you have disputes over finances, or disagreements around custody, that figure will be much, much higher.   But did you know that divorces are costly for … [Read more...] about How Much Does Divorce Cost American Companies?