Well, by snooping, you kinda asked for it, didn’t you? Deep down, you had a feeling something was going on. Your spouse assured you repeatedly that there was no one else, but he/she has been acting so weird lately, that you just couldn’t shake the suspicion. So, when you had the chance, you went onto his/her phone or account just to double check. Then you see the confirmation. You feel like an … [Read more...] about WTF?! This Can’t Be Happening!
I’m somewhat attached to my identity as a “pretty tough cookie.” A Jewish girl from Detroit born to fight. That is what I tell myself when I need to be tough. My early experiences with injustice, racism, child abuse, and bullies certainly puts how I ended up a divorce lawyer into context. Recently, I had the experience of confronting my fear of death. A past client asked if I could help her … [Read more...] about Break the Silence. Speak Up Against Domestic Violence.
Actually, it is. It is just harder to prove than physical or sexual abuse. Emotional abuse is insidious and complex. It is known as “emotional maltreatment,” “psychological battering,” “psychological abuse,” “soul murder,” and has been identified in the psycho-legal literature as “the core issue and most destructive factor across all types of child abuse and neglect.” Redefining the Emotional and … [Read more...] about Mythbuster – Emotional abuse is not real, or as bad as physical or sexual abuse
If you have worked through the emotional stages of grief with respect to your divorce, or you are enlightened enough to be able to surrender to what is, then you are ready to start the negotiation process. If your spouse is at the same stage, then you are good to go. If your spouse is not emotionally ready, I urge patience. I know that is not what you want to hear. I understand you so badly want … [Read more...] about Divorce as a Grieving Process – Part 2: Are You Psychologically Ready to Divorce?
As I have said many times before, “divorce is like a death in the family except no one is bringing you food.” Divorce was the first time in my adult life that I was brought to my knees. It hurt so much that I was doubled over in pain. If that is where you are, close to that, or even worse than that, it’s time to take a deep breath or two. Allow yourself to feel the feelings of your divorce and … [Read more...] about Divorce as a Grieving Process – Part 1
What is vulnerability? Webster defines it as: “easily hurt or harmed, physically, mentally or emotionally. Open to attack, harm or damage.” No wonder no one wants to be vulnerable! In an adversarial divorce, clients get hit with a double whammy: they enter a public forum to engage in battle while emotionally depleted and vulnerable. Clients will be easily hurt in this model. They are … [Read more...] about Vulnerability is the New Strong – Part 2
Social scientists and neurobiologists have validated leaders who demonstrate vulnerability and authenticity in the workplace because such leaders promote “human connection”. This in turn promotes trust, and a “culture of forgiveness” that leads to demonstrably greater satisfaction and performance. Couldn’t we apply a bit of that data to our approach to divorce? The Harvard Business Review cited … [Read more...] about Vulnerability is the New Strong
Don’t laugh, and suspend your cynical judgment for just a few minutes. Let’s assume you have been thinking seriously about ending your marriage or long-term relationship, but you are scared because you don’t want the divorce process to ruin you or your children. Despite your feelings of doubt, shame, insecurity, jealousy, anger, grief, or whatever else you may be feeling, you still value … [Read more...] about How to Have a Collaborative Divorce
What you fear, you attract. What you resist persists. Do you know the Native American story of Rabbit? The ancient story tells the tale of a brave rabbit who was also a fearless warrior. He was walking along a mountain trail and befriended a magical person who used his magic to produce food and water when Rabbit was hungry and thirsty. Rabbit was a bit rude and never thanked his friend for the … [Read more...] about What you Fear You Attract
Myth 1: A divorce means I won’t have to deal with my ex ever again Yeah, it’s not so simple, or easy. Sometimes it might be nice to consider or fantasize that this is true, but if you have children together, it is not an option. Consider the word itself: divorce. Yes, it is the legal dissolution of a marriage, a noun, but it also a verb, synonymous with "disconnection, disassociation, … [Read more...] about Antidotes to 4 Negative Myths about Divorce
Find Peace through Your Divorce I hope that if you are contemplating a divorce or going through one, that you ultimately find your own compassionate advocate’s voice. That you ultimately find peace despite the fear and chaos that may be brewing in your life around a divorce. It doesn’t matter if it is your own divorce, or the divorce of someone you love. It doesn’t matter if the concept of … [Read more...] about How to Have a Peaceful and Compassionate Divorce-Part II
Why this blog? Welcome, readers. My intention with this first blog post is to start a conversation about new ways to think about and approach divorce. This includes how to have a peaceful and compassionate divorce, which is possible, if you set your intention and behave accordingly. I’m a divorce lawyer by training and profession. I’ve also been divorced, so I share that personal experience. … [Read more...] about How to Have a Peaceful and Compassionate Divorce–Part I